


Business of Misery

by changez



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Depressing, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changez/pseuds/changez





	Business of Misery

The rain drops heavily on Cassian’s jacket as he stomps the mud and water from his feet entering the base. He nods his head at his fellow Rebels, not wanting to talk. None of them are really his friends, he knows that. The lighting above is too bright and too cheerful for Cassian’s mood, and he longs for the seclusion of his room. 

 

There’s a stop to the vending machine first, and he pulls out his credits only to find out he’s got none. He’s not surprised. He decides to head back to his room and look at his holo pad before he sleeps, but when he gets back to his room, his code doesn’t work. Two, three, four times and then he’s permanently locked out. Now he has to go and find someone to reset his lock so he can get in. He’d tried hacking in the past only to be reprimanded for it so he’s not going to deal with that again. 

 

He walks about, trying to find anyone to help, but everyone is in some big important meeting he wasn’t needed at. So he decides to wait. He goes to the hanger and tries not to cry, because Cassian Andor doesn’t cry. He sits and stares and then someone tells him to move because the supplies ship is coming in and he’ll be in the way. He says nothing as he gets up and moves, obeying for everyone like he always does.

 

Cassian goes back to his room, only to find someone fussing over the lock. 

 

“We just had the passcodes changed, Andor! The new system alerts us when someone makes too many attempts to open a room. You were at the meeting!”

 

Cassian swallows hard because he was at that meeting: he’d forgotten entirely. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

 

His passcode is fixed and he’s given a new one and the door to his abysmal mess of a room opens, and he shifts through the discarded piles of laundry and mission supplies he’s too tired to take care of. He washes his face in the sink in the corner and decides to take a shower, and grabs everything he needs and heads back out of his room, stepping on and breaking something he’s too tired to look at. 

 

He reaches the fresher to find that every shower head is occupied, so he sits on a bench and waits and waits and waits. Finally someone leaves and he strips down and ducks in. When he comes out, he realizes the clothes he’s brought were in the direct line of spray for the water, so he dries off and puts he’s soaked clothes on and heads back to his room, only to forget his passcode again. The new one he’d just been told. He tries twice and starts huffing, tears of frustration stinging his eyes. Something sparks his memory and he gets it right, stumbling into his room and throwing his towels on his bed and collapsing on a pile of who knows what and cries. He cries and no one hears. 

 

Because no one cares about you when you’re disposable and can be replaced the next day. 

 

He cries himself out and makes it to the bed, because no one cares about you crying, either. They may comfort you, but they don’t really care. They’re onto the next thing, leaving you and your misery behind. He falls asleep, wishing he was more important. Wishing he could be more. 


End file.
